Wednesday, April 23, 2014

The Rules of Love: A Personal Code for Happier, More Fulfilling Relationships by Richard Templar


The Rules of Love: A Personal Code
for Happier, More Fulfilling Relation-
ships
, by Richard Templar. [1]
Book Review by:
Sharon Powers.

     Harry had been gone for two hours after he had stormed out of the house and slammed the door. I started to "pack a few of the things" I would need, into my suitcase...I had decided to go and stay with my sister for a while. As I zipped up my suitcase, I heard a car door close, just outside in the driveway--I cursed quietly, to myself. He was coming in. The door opened and Harry saw me standing there with my suitcase.

     He looked shocked and, I think, sad. "I made you want to leave?" he asked, barely above a whisper. I cleared my throat..."Well...you told me to leave, didn't you?" He was quiet for a moment. "I didn't mean it. I was foolish to tell you to leave, and I'm sorry." He asked me, "Where are you going?" I look at my feet, I said, "I was going to my sister's, but...I think I'll stay here." I look up and see him smiling; I smile back. Then, we spend a couple of hours talking about things and how we both felt. I think we both learned some things. (This story is from Wattpad: One Direction Preferences; How He Apologizes After An Argument [2].)

The Rules of Life
by Richard Templar.[3]
     This marvelous little story tells of Harry apologizing to the woman he loves. We can empathize with the couple as they struggle to make amends after a serious argument. If the woman in the story had understood the "Rules of Love," she could have apologized first when Harry came back into the room. We will learn from Richard Templar, that she could have apologized, not for being wrong, but for letting the argument degenerate into the yelling and anger that occurred.

The Rules of Money
by Richard Templar.[4]
   This week's post is about how you can have, as the author puts it, "Happier, More Fulfilling Relation- ships."The Author, Richard Templar, is also the author of the international best selling title, The Rules of Life. Richard Templar, in fact, has a whole series of books about, "The Rules of _____." Some of the titles are: The Rules of Management: The Definitive Guide to Managerial Success; The Rules of Wealth: A Personal Code for Prosperity; The Rules of Parenting: A Personal Code of Raising Happy Confident Children; The Rules of Work, Expanded Edition: A Definitive Code for Personal Success; How To Get Things Done (without trying too hard), Expanded Edition, and The Rules of Money, How to Make It and How to Hold on to It

     If any of the above-listed titles interest you, know that they are all based on the simple premise of including a hundred simple rules for success (in each of the areas listed, above). Richard Templar (a pen name) shares with you the rules he utilized on his own "path to success." To help you decide whether one or more of these titles might be what you are looking for, I've decided to review for you, The Rules of Love: A Personal Code for Happier, More Fulfilling Relationships.

THE BOOK:

Do you know what it takes to succeed at love? [5]
    Richard Templar asks us, "What do successful people do?" The answer, of course, is in what Richard Templar attempts to do in writing this book. He has put together the top 100 rules that he has studied and observed in other successful people in the area of "love," the subject of this book. It is a similar approach to what he has done in this series in his other books entitled, "The Rules of __________." In this book on love, Templar also throws in a few of the rules he has learned through personal experience in his own life, as well.

     Richard Templar reminds us that we all know a lot about love, having lived and experienced life, and that these 100 rules are really reminders about what we should all be doing to be successful in love. They are, perhaps, a crystallization, of concepts that we just haven't given much thought to or that we've forgotten about. Templar reminds us that there isn't a "magic bullet" or "magic wand" that can be used to solve all our love problems. It takes desire as well as work to get where we want to go. 

Is there a "magic wand" to fix your
relationship problems? [6]
     Richard Templar attempts, in this book, to give us guide posts or signs to follow on the path to love and better relationships. So, in other words, do not look for a "secret" ingredient or revelation--there is none. What you can expect and what you can look for is what all successful people do to succeed in attaining loving relationships. As I mentioned, just above, is that he has collected for us, under this one title, the accumulated wisdom of what most success- ful people do in their relationships.

     Richard Templar organizes the book logically, into sections to make the book easy to use. He puts the Rules For Finding Love, logically enough, in Part 1. Relationship Rules take up all of Part II. Rules For Parting fall under Part III., Part IV is Family Rules, Part V. is Friendship Rules, and finally, Part VI. is devoted to Rules for Everyone.

WHAT I THINK ABOUT THE BOOK:

Hmmmmm? [7]
     Many gems exist in this book. I have to say I was quite impressed about the section dealing with arguments with a loved-one. Richard Templar acknowledges that none of us really want to have a falling out with someone we love, but it has, at some point in our lives, happened. He asks us what we want to do about it.

     Richard Templar's answer is not what we want to hear. Not what we want to do. Not even something we want to contemplate. When I read the book, I knew the answer, and I'll bet you do too, don't you? Yes, the answer is that you "apologize." And, here's the kicker...you must do it before they do it. You must be the first.

The concept of apologizing
first has been around for a
while. Maybe we should all
take it to heart. [8]
     I know. I know. I have troubles with taming my ego, too. After all, I've been hurt. I feel I'm right. And, I don't want to lose. I don't want to be humiliated. I don't want to feel worse than I already do. Yes, I know, we all have reasons why not to apologize. Well, Richard Templar has an answer for all that. He indicates that we needn't back down on our statements or our position. What we need to apologize for is for letting a "perfectly valid discussion" degenerate into an argument or shouting match. 

     And, while it does take two people to fight, what you are really apologizing for is letting the argument happen at all, for being childish, if you will, and for all the mistakes you made to get to the point you are at right now. Remember, you are apologizing for letting things get overheated and out of hand, "not your original opinion or action" (p.69). In this, you are going to be an adult; you are going to take the high road.

     This one rule is priceless. Getting this section's good advice is worth the price of the book, all by itself. And there are others, certainly, almost equally as valuable.

To build anything in a relationship
is beautiful. Building a bridge to another
person, and then crossing it to meet
them by apologizing is a
"radical gift." [9]
     I covered this one rule extensively because I just wanted to show you how much is packed into one rule. And just think about it--there are a hundred rules. You needn't feel as if you must memorize all the rules--you simply work on the ones that apply to you in your life. You know where the problems are and you will know which rules will help you.

MY FAVORITE QUOTE:

     This quote comes from the section entitled, "Guilt Is a Selfish Emotion." Richard Templar explains that guilt is all about "Me, me, me" (p220). Guilt is about how terrible my life is, and the emotion centers itself entirely on the self. When that happens, we are so busy thinking about ourselves that we don't have time for others. Here is my favorite quote:
Realize it is a choice! [10]
Babbling on about how you feel, how terrible it is for you, is unacceptable. That's why this is a Rule of Love. because in order to love people usefully you need to be focused on them and not on yourself. You need to stop seeking attention and think about other people. I've known people who thrived on guilt. People who would look for things to feel guilty about. Why? Because it's the easiest way in the world to focus all your love on yourself. Don't give in to it. If you've done something bad, make amends and move on. Just one other thing. If you do catch yourself feeling guilty about something, just stop. Don't feel guilty about feeling guilty...IN ORDER TO LOVE PEOPLE USEFULLY YOU NEED TO BE FOCUSED ON THEM AND NOT ON YOURSELF (pp 220-221).
I like this quote by Oprah Winfrey![11]
     I loved reading the rules about arguments and guilt, and in spite of the quote on guilt being my favorite quote, I have to say that my favorite chapter is Chapter 24., BE HONORABLE. I think that if one does not have Integrity, Honesty, Compassion, Thoughtfulness and Kindness, as Richard Templar says, everyone in your life will suffer--especially you. How can you have any relationships without trust engendered from these qualities of character? So yes, you do owe it to your loved ones to be honorable and upright and to act with integrity, kindness and compassion. And, you owe it to yourself. You simply must read this chapter, if no other.

MY RECOMMENDATIONS AND RATING FOR THIS BOOK:

This rating utilizes the 5 star system.[12]
Richard Templar. [13]
   This book is a book bout relationships and love between couples, relatives, and friends. I have no qualms about recommending this book to its intended audience. The only caution I give is that you may find yourself challenged to make yourself into a better human being. You may find yourself uncomfortable as you consider your own limitations and failings. But as Richard Templar exhorts us to not give up but ever to strive to have more fulfilling relationships, I cannot in good faith criticize it simply because it might make me a little uncomfortable in confronting my own personal limitations. My rating is 4.5 Stars out of 5. A most excellent and truly helpful book.

     Thank you for joining me this week as we looked at relationships and by utilizing some simple "Rules for Love," we can live a "Happier, More Fulfilling," life. I find that reading helps me to grow, helps me to stimulate my mind, and helps me consider many different viewpoints other than my own--it can for you, too. So, until next week when we will look at anoother new book, consider picking up and reading Richard Templar's, The Rules of Love: A Personal Code for Happier, More Fulfilling Relationships

Until next time...
White Rose. [14]
...many happy pages of reading.

Sharon.


   






REFERENCES
_________________________________________________________
[2] One Direction Preferences: How HeApologizes After An Argument. Wattpad.com. Retrieved 04-23-14.
[4] "The Rules of Money: How to Make It and How to Hold on to It." amazon.com. Retrieved 04-23-14.
[5]"Nathalie Lussier: Digital Strategy to Match Your Ambition." nathalielussier.com. Retrieved 04-23-14.
[6] "Magic-Wand." juliasmath.com. Retrieved 04-23-14.
[7] "What do you choose? Fear or Joy?" icfheadquarters.blogspot.com. Retrieved 04-23-14.
[8] "The First to Apologize." fineartamerica.com. Retrieved 04-23-14.
[9] "Why Is Apologizing So Hard?" bohemianbowmans.com. Retrieved 04-23-14.
[10] "Let the Guilt Go?" theminister.org. Retrieved 04-23-14.
[11] "Real Integrity." mediawebapps.com. Retrieved 04-23-14.
[12] "Manga Monday." read-a-holicz.blogspot.com. Retrieved 04-23-14.
[13] "Richard Templar." goodreads.com. Retrieved 04-23-14.
[14] "Top 28 White Roses Pictures For Free Download." funstock.com. Retrieved 04-23-14.